And We're Back!!
Well, that was a long two weeks! Betwixt one thing and another, I found myself greatly wanting to not do much on my last trip back to Santa Rosa. Which is sad, because I missed you all, but also good, because it gave me lots of time for moody introspection and thoughts about the coming fall.
There’s something so unexpected about fall, even if it is the season of orgasmic instagrammers everywhere. Over my vacation, I took a walk every day past an ornamental pistachio tree, every day a bit more scarlet and orange appeared.
Fall is the long, slow exhale of color into the world. One day the crepe myrtles were in full August bloom, the next they were shedding petals like cat fur, and the color in the sugar maples began to creep in. It’s no wonder its our sneakiest season. Winter shows up with blasts of cold air and unmissable white blankets (I mean, not in Los Angeles, but poetically) but autumn slips up behind you until one day it’s just there, breezing around you, and you realize you might just like a sweater.
Let’s Fall In Love
Ooof that’s a headline. Okay.
My personal favorite fall experience is things that are somewhat spooky and mysterious without being overtly scary. Like I definitely want to wander into a witch house, but I don’t want there to be dissected bodies and gross shenanigans inside, if that’s cool. Which is why I fell in love with this restored masterpiece in Beverly Hills—
(Photo Gregobagel/Getty)
LOOK at that. Look at the fences. Look at the intentionally off angles of the roof!! The famed Witch’s House was built initially as a set in the 1920s, but eventually some blessedly rich weirdo had it carted off to a property in Beverly Hills and turned into a real house. It fell nearly to pieces in the 1990s, but thank god, Los Angeles has no shortage of additonal rich weirdos, like the one who bought, restored, and improved the house:
(Stephen Russo)
That fella grinning in the doorway is a realtor Michael Libow, who has turned it into an absurdly beautiful home with Snow White-level detailing.
(Stephen Russo)
Check out many more photos of the house and the story behind its incredible restoration (plus the glorious mural I wish they’d restored) at LA Mag. This one is a real Los Angeles beauty.
Jessica’s Fall Playlist
Boy, do I love a themed playlist. There’s nothing better to make you feel like you have a soundtrack to your life (And that the movie you’re in is not a depressing one.)
Here’s some of my yearly favorites for perfect fall listening:
One Last Leaf
I swear I’ll stop talking about fall soon, and it’s not October, so we can’t really start talking about HALLOWEEN CANDY yet (although we will. We Will.) But here’s a little snack that I cannot stop laughing at. I guarantee you will laugh at this thrice. Once reading it, and once trying to read it aloud. And then when you realize that his excitement over personalizing it was so much that he tried to make it say what it always says and failed.
Advice Here, Get Your Hot Fresh Advice Here!
Can you believe it?? After months of asking - one of you finally emailed me (mujihoshi@yahoo.com) to ASK for ADVICE!!! And on a tricky topic, too. Okay, guys, let’s see how I do here.
Hi Jessica,
Long time lurker here, but had something happen to me recently that I was hoping you could give me some advice on. I've recently moved in with two of my best friends from uni into a flat in London. I love them both and we're already enjoying living together. I have noticed something that has concerned me though.
I have a long term chronic health condition that left me severely underweight for quite a while. I've been on a long term dieting plan to increase my weight for over a year now and it involves eating a lot of high calorie foods. That's something that I normally deal with by myself but since moving in I'm a little worried about talking about or even buying foods with one of my housemates. She is quite an aggressive calorie counter to the point where I worry a little bit. I've lived with five girls (including my current housemate) before so I'm aware how my own attitude to food contrasts to the 'typical' attitude to high calorie foods. I've often had to deal with people looking wistfully at my shopping basket or meals and say I can eat whatever I want. I can assure you I would swap my long term condition and time in hospital for a regular metabolism in a heart beat.
My friend religiously counts the calories on everything she buys and says she is worried about getting 'fat'. My friend is slim and petite, she is nowhere near approaching anything I think a doctor would deem unhealthy. She also seems visibly annoyed when we shop together when I head to get high calorie foods. Sometimes if I haven't been able to meet my calorie target in a day I might get something a bit ridiculous like a chocolate cake or some doughnuts but most of the time the key is portion increase and lots of snacking in between meals with supplements. Because of her frustration when we shop together it makes me feel a little bit embarrassed but also concerned about her relationship with food. She frequently skips breakfast and only eats salads in small portions. She regularly will show me people on instagram who she compares herself to and wishes she was that thin or beautiful. When I'm reading this back I realise that this all sounds like very regular behaviour that we see in pop culture but it happens almost every day, some sort of comment about food/weight/comparisons.
I've never said anything but I feel bad when I'm wolfing down loads of food in front of her at the dinner table. I get that everyone's relationship with their body and food is different and that my housemate's eating habits are quite typical and would be considered healthy by a lot of people. What worries me is she doesn't seem to enjoy her meals and is very concerned about becoming fat and I feel embarrassed eating or shopping around her.
I'm fully ready to be told that I am overly worried about my friend and shouldn't judge her or that this behaviour is common and I shouldn't be so startled as a guy. However, the unique part of the problem for me is that I know I can't change my eating habits and I don't want to eat alone or in my room. But I do feel bad about buying/eating lots of food in front of her. She hasn't voiced an opinion but she often tuts or just shakes her head in disapproval or even outright laughs. Sorry this a super long ramble. It feels like a bit of a weight off my shoulders to just write it down. If there is a respectful way I can broach the subject or a good way of mediating the problem, I would be really grateful.
First of all, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this at all. Having an unusual diet myself, I totally understand the discomfort of having anyone, anywhere comment on how you need to eat.
Food is such a strangely personal subject; we all need it, but the amount of shaming and judgement that goes into how anyone manages their own eating habits can be intense and uncomfortable. Note that just as she seems to have thoughts about your food intake, you also have thoughts about hers. It’s natural to be curious and opinionated about how someone else does a thing you also do every day, but her scoffing at you is another problem altogether.
It seems like there are two issues. One, you’re concerned about your salad-skrimping roommate’s dietary health, and two, you don’t like the discomfort her ideas (and noises) about you eating make you feel. In the first issue, there’s not a ton you can do. The line between disordered eating and calorie-conscious eating is very murky, and on the chance that she has an eating disorder, it is tricky to know what to say that won’t cause additional harm (IE, you don’t want concern that she’s eating too little to morph in front of you into “you’re paying attention to how I eat because you think I’m so fat!!”)
Unless you are seriously concerned about her health and think medical personnel need to get involved, probably the best thing you can do about your concern is refuse to be an accessory to her unhealthy internal messaging. When she shows you pictures of skinny Instagram girls, don’t play the game. In fact, this is a good chance to model a healthy behavior. When she thrusts a size 00 pilates-influencer named Grizabella in your face and asks you to rate how pretty she is, you could say, “I’m trying to not pay attention to how people look as much, I think it’s not good for me to think that way.” Make it a statement about yourself, not her. Will this get her to reform her destructive thinking? Probably not. But it might jog the wheels loose, and at least it is not reinforcing her negative thought patterns about weight. That may be all you can do without a fight as a roommate.
Now, as to her scoffing over YOUR food, there you have much more leverage. What she’s doing is sad, because it’s really about her feelings about her own body, but it’s also inappropriate, and totally reasonable to speak up. The next time you catch her eye-rolling or tutting at your snacks, you have my full permission to adopt an American attitude and call it out by just flat-out saying “it makes me uncomfortable when you make noises like that about my food.” As you’re both adults, this will hopefully be plenty to stop the behavior.
But as this sounds like a complex issue for your roommate, she may try to deflect or insist you’re being oversensitive. You could end up down a whole rabbit hole of an argument, so I’d advise you to stick to just saying that this behavior makes you uncomfortable, and as your friend, she should not want to make you uncomfortable. Whatever you do, don’t start eating in your room. Keep maintaining your right to a peaceful and nonjudgmental eating space, and offer her the same. Hopefully she’ll get the hint (and if not, pour bacon grease on her salad I’M KIDDING DON’T DO THAT.)
Hope this helps!
A WHOLE BUNCHA DOGS OF THE WEEK
Two weeks off means you get double dogs for each week! And thankfully we’ve got for to share from beautiful, mermaidlike reader Charity Martin. Check out her stable of supermodels:
First up is Caesar, whose classic auburn-flecked brindle coat and earnest eyes make him a natural for runway work. According to Charity, he is never not burdened by his existence and is the saddest good boy, so he’s sure to imbue your fashion show with an aura of melancholy mystique.
Molly Blue-Eyes is a staggering editorial model, showcased from Doggy Vogue to Malamute Claire. As an exotic part-husky, Molly is extremely mouthy and never shuts up. But look at those eyes!!
Walter the Weirdo is naturally the model you’ll want to book to showcase your company’s individuality, open-mindedness, and enjoyment of big old teeth. An original and a standout.
Heidi AKA The Adorable Pig-Dog is a go-getter who taught herself to perfect her signature prairie-dog pose. Although a little short for runway work, and also she refuses to learn any tricks on purpose, she’s a firebrand with a mind of her own. So really we can’t recommend her, that’s not what supermodels are for! Come on, people.
Thanks so much to Charity and her band of beauties!!
Til Next Time!
Barring any more health or exhaustion disasters, I foresee these columns coming at you weekly for a long stretch to come! Open again next week for a fabulous fall recipe experiment of the alcoholic cupcake variety, some big What Lies West News, and more DOGS (if you send me more dogs, that is. PLEASE send me more dogs and I guess other ok pets and also more advice questions at mujihoshi@yahoo.com).
Love you all!